Note on Presentation

Traditional religious treatises (usually Eastern) are often presented in a specific manner. Shlokas or aphorisms or short statements are followed by commentary or exegesis. I, Sun Lotus Sky Eagle Bubba Free Rain intend to follow suit without actually wearing a suit or any kind of clothing for that matter.

I always write naked by moonlight, though 'writing' isn't the word strictly speaking. I dictate my thoughts into a portable tape machine as I wander naked around this trailer park with a thick smear of molasses, pork-spam and fresh cat-flux on my buttocks.

The smear attracts critters and varmints of every description, from field rats and possum to vampire bats and junkyard dogs (not to mention storms of bioluminescent bugs from the woods). These critters and varmints follow me in motley horde as I perambulate in slow shuffle, talking into my tape machine, though 'talking' isn't the word, strictly speaking.

I tend to croon, mutter, perorate, gibber and yodel in hallucinatory afflatus, my voice sinking to growls of deep mentation and soaring to shrieks of coruscant inspiration. My treatise on Instant Nirvana was recorded in precisely this fashion over the summer months of two thousand and three, those dank and oppressive days when the sinus-scorching redolence of our toxic landfill had become nigh-impossible to bear.

This trailer park is located near a toxic landfill that resembles a matte-black marsh in slow boil. The residents of this park were paid a paltry sum (by agents of the federal government) for agreeing to live near the landfill. The agreement is part of a clandestine genetic experiment of some sort, with government scientists attempting to determine the effects of radioactivity and toxic vapor on a random sample of dirt poor and disenfranchised plebeians.

But I digress. I will now, without further ado, launch into my long-promised and much-touted techniques of Instant Nirvana. As stated above, the presentation will follow traditional methods as seen in, say, the Zen Comments on the Mumonkan or Lustig Dummerheit's exegeses of Martin Luther's post-dejective outhouse epiphanies as seen in Dang, That's the Best Crap I've Taken in Months (translated from the original German by me, Sun Lotus Sky Eagle Bubba Free Rain).

The techinique itself will be presented first. A commentary will then follow in brilliant elucidation. It is more than likely that aspirants who faithfully enact the technique will achieve Instant Nirvana in a single burst of neuroplasmic illumination. Your brain will appear to you as a blazing mushroom cloud, or as a complex and incandescent dendrite like one of those phosphorescent marine plants with innumerable tentacular branches.

Believe me, this shit is a whole lot better than Satori, the traditional 'sudden enlightenment' lauded and extolled by practitioners of Rinzai Zen, not to be confused with the militant Banzai Zen of imperial Japan or the Karzai Zen of present day Afghanistan. But enough said already. Time to pull on that jockstrap, straddle that razorback hog, put out a bull ape victory cry and ride out into Nirvanaville.