Tractatus Interruptus: Bubba Addresses his Mutant Flock

Thus far, the techniques of Instant Nirvana have been rendered in the abstract, as a set of instructions. From now on I, Bubba Free Rain, will render them in person. Which is to say, I'll tell you how I, Eagle Bubba, enacted each technique in situ. Never let it be said that I preach what I don't practice or vice versa. Be it known that I, Free Rain, successfully performed every one of the six thousand ritual acts I've started to present here. That's really what the techniques are: simple rituals shaped to a purpose. What purpose? Instant Nirvana, of course.

I, Sun Lotus Sky Eagle Bubba Free Rain, successfully enacted all six thousand techniques. Which is to say I achieved Instant Nirvana six thousand times, a feat unmatched in the annals of trismagist hagiography, divine sortilege and alchemical transmogrification. All YOU have to do is perform one or more of these ritual acts in a spirit of votive mimesis. In other words do what I did devotedly and diligently with your eyes wide shut, your head sunk low, your man-teats drooped morose, your gut swagged in grotesque distension and your pecker hung from your zipless fly like a corpse from a window.

You don't have to work all six thousand techniques as I've already said. A single technique will suffice for most. Aspirants afflicted with congenital dullness, intractable stupidity and extreme coarseness of temperament will require a dozen enactments, give or take a hundred. Piltdown proto-humanoids from Australia, South Africa and the state of Texas may require a few hundred or even a thousand ritual enactments. Not to worry though. All you slap happy dong-drubbers out there WILL achieve enlightenment no matter what. Instant Nirvana will, like the fabled candiru, lodge itself in your favorite orifice and do its worst.

Human females may dispense with these techniques altogether. As already stated, chicks of every species on spaceship Earth will become spontaneously enlightened on December 21, 2012, the date that marks the end of the Mayan calendar and the start of a rare planetary syzygy. Spontaneous enlightenment is an evolutionary privilege. Females occupy an exalted position on the Akashic Scale, the barometer of choice in the spirit world. By contrast, males wallow in their own filth near the foot of the Scale with farm hogs, field rats and titmice for company.

A parcel of inveterate assholes (male and female) will, however, fail to make the transition to unitive awareness and supernal gnosis in the Age of Aquarius. This parcel includes slag spawned turd-chompers like Bush, Cheney et al, not to mention bloated war-sluts like Albright and Merkel. Biped vermin of their ilk will perish in a seething farrago of leprosy, gas-gangrene and bubonic plague. Their demise will be a violent, gore-sodden spectacle broadcast on every cable channel known to man. Y'all gather around for the show now, hear? I, Sun Lotus Sky Eagle Bubba Free Rain, have spoken.